I was recently looking at a picture of my grandmother in her younger days, noticing how old and blurry it was, when a thought struck me—I wonder what she would think of living in the present time with so many photographs? I began to wonder what life was like for her generation, with so few photo opportunities. Was her life richer because of it or would she say she missed out? Honestly, the more I thought about this question, the more I felt like she would say her life was better without it. I began to wonder… Are we harming ourselves taking so many photos?
When I think about my grandmother, I think about the things that brought her joy. She loved to go to her family’s lake house, she played cards with my grandfather and friends on the weekends, and she hosted great big meals for her extended family. How would it be different if she knew there would likely be a photograph to go with it? Would she worry more about what her hair looked like? Would she not want to wear a certain swimsuit at the lake in case she was photographed? Would she wonder if her outfit looked cute on camera? Would she think about the angle and posing just the right way? I just can’t picture her getting into that headspace or wanting to.
My grandma and grandpa at Tichigan Lake, where they met and fell in love.
It seems every social activity nowadays includes being camera-ready. Almost always somebody wants to grab a photo. Have you experienced going to dinner with friends, having lots of laughs, great conversation, and then someone snaps a picture of the group? The next day, the friend texts you the picture or even worse posts it on social media and tags you. You take one look at the picture and hate how you look. Now your very fun dinner with friends has taken a total nose dive.
Instead of thinking about the great conversations you had, or the awesome bottle of wine and tasty new food you tried, you begin to think…”Huh, I thought I looked cute in that top when I left the house, clearly, I was wrong.” or “Ugh…I definitely need to lose a few pounds.” When we see a picture that we are personally in, what is the first thing we do? We look directly at ourselves to see how we look. According to various studies, on average about 80% of our thoughts are negative. If we use this statistic, that means most of the time, we end up not liking what we see in the photograph. We find fault in it. Our skin isn’t flawless, our smile is ugly, our shoulders are too broad, our teeth are too yellow, our nose is too big, and the list goes on and on.
What are we doing to ourselves? Back in my grandmother’s day, they were just living life. They were lucky to have a few pictures here and there, but they were not inundated with picture after picture of themselves to scrutinize and judge. We spend so much time looking at images of ourselves, it becomes very easy to be self-conscious about the way we look.
Another issue with taking so many pictures is how it affects our enjoyment and memory of experiences. Back in June of 2018, I gave up posting on Facebook. At that point, I had been posting on FB for about 10 years and was quite used to it. One of the first things I noticed, after giving it up, was how much more present I was in almost all social activities I attended. I no longer felt like I had to get a photo so that I could post it on Facebook. When I was at a concert, party, or with friends at dinner, I was relieved to not feel the need to take a picture. I could just be present, build memories, and enjoy the people and surroundings right in front of me. I recently came across an article that talks about how if we really want to remember a moment of time, we will remember it better if we DON’T TAKE A PICTURE OF IT. Here is a link to that article if you are interested. I think it is fascinating. https://bit.ly/2yLY8GI
When you begin to think about the amount of time we spend taking photos, looking at photos, editing photos, deleting photos, adding photos to social media, and texting photos, one can’t help wonder about the attention we give to our photos and to our outer appearance. Does it all seem a tad narcissistic? What if we invested some of that energy into soul building activities like listening to music with a dear friend, being present in the moment with our kids, taking a walk in nature, volunteering for a cause that we are passionate about, reading a book, or praying to our God. These types of activities fill us up. Just because we can take a picture with our phone at any moment doesn’t mean we should or have to. We can choose differently sometimes.
At 48 years old, I am beginning to see that life will come to an end, probably sooner than I would like. Do I want photos to look back on and reminisce? Absolutely! But do I need 1,000’s of them? Probably not. Do I want to model to my kids that photos are special and have their place? I most certainly do. Do I want them to learn that what is on the inside is more important than what is on the outside? Of course. I think with a little thought on the subject and pulling back just a bit on photo taking, we all might be a little happier and live a more meaningful life. What are your thoughts on the subject? I would love to hear!
XO-Kerry
A very interesting article, Kerry. You presented a very thought-provoking perspective. I am actually knee deep in old photos right now. For the last two weeks, on and off, I have been going through my boxes of pictures. I had the same thought too, do I need fifty pictures of the Grand Canyon or will just one do to help jog my memory of my trip there? I’ve gotten rid of dozens of unnecessary photos with this new thought therefore freeing up space. We do waste so much time taking, sorting, storing, re-sorting,editing that we lose that time for something else. Unfortunately or fortunately, depends how you look at it, I am the sentimental one in my family so ALL of the family photos come to me! Really? Five siblings and no one wants them? I have a shoebox of my dear grandma’s negatives from bird and sunset pictures she took from her small apartment window. For some reason, I can’t part with them. Not on this round of organization. Maybe one day, but not yet. Thank you for your insight and time in sharing your thoughts!
I totally get it Laura. I too have all the 8mm films from my grandma and grandpa. I could never part with those, even though they just sit in our closet. Good for you for going through the old pictures. That has been on my to-do list for forever. It is just such a daunting task.
Kerry -thank you for this post! I have a close family member who never smiles widely because she’s self-conscious about the discoloration of several of her teeth. Over years, she’s trained herself to smile in a constrained way. I’m sad for her. I myself was hijacked on Mother’s Day when I was reviewing the beautiful photos of the family hike we enjoyed at Picnic Point in Madison. I heard my inner self ask, “After 4 weeks of Peloton core workouts, my belly still looks like that?” Ouch! I quickly squished that thought and never shared it out loud with anyone because I knew it was the evil one trying to steal my joy! Thanks for reminding me that our curated lives on text, social media, etc are artificial and that my desire is to live a real life, face-to-face with real humans who know me and love me anyway!
Absolutely Michelle! It is the evil one who wants us to look at ourselves with self-loathing. Good for you for recognizing it!
Thank you for the refreshingly honest points made about this topic, Kerry! I can relate to all said. Staying off FB has helped my “photo focus” greatly, though I still have to keep it in check.
I agree Renee! I am back on FB now to post about the blog, but I have to remind myself what a healthy relationship with social media looks like and to not get too sucked in.
What’s even worse, IMO, is that people feel the need to “fix” their photos before posting. Living life in an altered reality is not really living life, after all.
I know Libby! Lucky for me, I don’t know how to edit myself so I am never tempted, but it has to be so tempting for others.
A friend once said she heard someone comment that all this social media posting use to be called bragging .. and that stuck with me … not relaying they phrase exactly but the point was well taken.
Heather, I don’t think I will forget this quote now either. So good! Thanks for sharing.